5 Lies About Sex Toys to Stop Believing Right Now

Sex toys are becoming more and more popular, to the point that (in many parts of the world) it’s now considered fairly normal to own and use them. There are a lot of reasons for this, from a general rise in sex positivity at a societal level, to money-minded entrepreneurs realizing that sex tech is big business. 

Celebrities and social media influencers have been jumping on this bandwagon, too, with public figures including Gwynneth Paltrow, Lily Allen, and Cara Delevingne all partnering with brands to endorse pleasure products. 

Despite this growing acceptance, a lot of sex toy myths still persist. Read on, and we’ll debunk five of the most insidious and harmful falsehoods that it’s past time to stop believing. 

“People in fulfilling sexual relationships don’t need toys”

There is an enduring belief that, in a good relationship, all your sexual satisfaction should come from your partner. But this is a lot of pressure to put on someone, and can cause more harm than good. 

Despite the popular belief that people in healthy sexual relationships don’t masturbate, one study showed that the opposite is actually more likely to be true: regular masturbation, including with toys, can lead to an increase in desire for, and satisfaction with, partnered sex. 

Whether your partner is unavailable, not in the mood, or you’re simply craving a little solo sex time, masturbating and using toys is perfectly healthy and says nothing about the state of your relationship or partnered sex life. 

“If a toy pleasures them too well, your partner will lose interest in you”

Sex toys are not replacements for human lovers, but many people are worried that their partners will lose interest in them if they use sex toys. Instead of viewing a sex toy as competition for your partner’s affections, try to see it as something that can enhance your sex life together. 

This begins with removing your ego from the picture. If your partner sometimes or always uses a toy to get off, it says nothing about your skills as a lover. People’s bodies are just wired differently and require different kinds of stimulation to get there. Remember that toys are tools. Why not ask your partner to show you how to use their favorite toys to blow their mind? 

Remember, too, that sex toys are inanimate objects. Even the best dildo, vibrator, or stroker in the world can’t cuddle your partner after sex, bring them soup when they’re sick, or hold their hand when they’ve had a bad day. There is simply no comparison between a toy and a human partner. 

“Sex toys are only for women” 

A huge percentage of the sex toy market is aimed at people with vulvas and at cisgender women in particular, with vibrators and dildos being the most popular types of toys.  

However, more and more sex toys for men and people with penises are now becoming available. From strokers and masturbation sleeves to sex dolls, cock rings, and prostate massagers, more and more companies are tapping into the underserved market of penis-owning sex toy enthusiasts.

Many toys can be used by people no matter their gender or anatomy, too. Wand vibrators, for example, are marketed to women for clitoral stimulation but can feel just as good when used on a penis. And everyone has a butt! 

“It’s possible to become addiction to a vibrator”

For those of us old enough to cast our minds all the way back to 1998, that scene in Sex and the City—in which Charlotte’s friends steal her vibrator because they believe she’s becoming addicted to it—has a lot to answer for. 

Medically speaking, addiction is “an inability to stop using a substance or engaging in a behavior even though it is causing psychological and physical harm,” according to Medical News Today. Contrary to popular belief, it is not possible to become addicted to a sex toy. 

There’s no such thing as having too many orgasms. Sexual pleasure is not harmful to your body or mind, and you will not suffer from withdrawal symptoms if you stop using your vibrator. Unless your sex toy usage is causing major problems in your life, such as skipping work or ruining relationships with friends and family, there is no problem. 

“It’s a vibrator! It’s not like it’s crack!” Charlotte cries. And Charlotte, we’re with you on this one. 

“The ultimate goal for women is a vaginal orgasm” 

Unfortunately, many women and people with vulvas—and their partners—still believe that reaching orgasm through vaginal penetration alone is the ultimate sexual experience. This leads to frustration, relationship issues, sexual insecurities, and feelings of being “broken” if it does not happen.  

However, for many people, reaching an orgasm exclusively with vaginal penetration is impossible. What’s more, those people are in the majority. Exact figures vary, but experts estimate that anywhere from 50% to 80% of people with vulvas need clitoral stimulation to orgasm. 

So let’s stop putting this pressure on ourselves and our lovers. However you experience pleasure, and however you come, is normal and beautiful.